Today, I learned I was adopted and that my parents had died in a car accident when I was really young. My girlfriend was sitting next to me when I got the news, and several hours later broke up with me in a text stating, "I don't want to be with someone who doesn't have real parents." FML
今天，当我知道我是被收养的，我的父母在我很小的时候就在一场车祸中挂掉。当我知道这条消息的时候，我的女朋友就坐在我旁边。过了几个小时后，用一张写着“我不想跟一个没有亲生父母的人在一起”的纸条跟我分手了。
Today, I discovered my neighbors have bought a karaoke machine. FML
今天，我发现我的邻居买了一套卡拉OKfeel my soul。
Today, it's my two year anniversary with my wife. She's celebrating the day with her new boyfriend. FML
今天是我的跟妻子的两周年结婚纪念日。她现在却正跟她的男朋友在庆祝这天。
Today, in preparation for a presentativon at work, I decided to take a handful of vitamins to fight my cold. As I was putting the bottles away, I noticed one of them was a laxative. FML
今天，在准备一场展览会的时候，我决定用一把维他命来搞定我的感冒。当我把瓶子放回去的时候，我才发现这是泻药。
Today, a little girl came up to me and asked, "Are you a boy or a girl?" I said, "I'm a girl of course!" She walked away, looking dazed and saying, "Whoa." FML
今天，一个小萝莉跳出来并问我，“你是男的还是女的？”我说，“我当然是女的！”她真身走开，看起来很迷茫的样子，并说：“哇。（这丫竟然是女的）”
Today, I finally quit the job that I've been complaining about. Before I could tell my husband, he informed me that he had been laid off, and was thankful we still had my income. FML
Today, I got my lip pierced. By the orthodontist. FML
今天我被一个专业牙医弄穿了嘴唇。
Today, I got so nervous that I actually peed my pants during a job interview. FML
今天，我很纠结我在一个见面会上竟然尿裤子了。
Today, I got news that my best friend passed away from breast cancer. While I was crying, my dad asked me what was wrong. I told him the news, to which he replied, "Guess who just won fifty bucks!" Apparently he was gambling on whether she would live or die. FML
今天我得知我只好的朋友死于乳腺癌。我哭得正伤心的时候，我老爸过来问我怎么了。我告诉他这件事，他说，“猜猜谁刚刚赢得了50块！”很明显的他拿我朋友的死活跟别人做赌注。
Today, I was walking home down a small street while listening to my iPod. I really got into the music, and started to dance really badly, only to realise there was a car following me, trying to get past. FML
Today, I was going to my first job interview since I was laid off. About 10 yards from the door, I felt a sharp pain in my side and something in my pocket. It turned out to be a knife in my side, and a mugger robbing me because I looked rich. I haven't had any money in months, and missed the interview. FML
今天是我被解雇以后，第一次去参加工作面试。大约离那门还有10码的时候。我觉得有什么在我旁边的口袋扎到我了。结果是一个劫匪用刀了我，因为我看起来有钱。我这个月穷得毛都不剩了，还错过了那个面试。
Today, my girlfriend told me on facebook to stop calling/texting her because she lost her phone. Right under her post was "sent from facebook for iPhone." FML
今天，我的女朋友在facebook上告诉我别再给她打电话和发短信，因为她的电话弄丢了。她的信息下面写着“通过iPhone发送。”
Today, I teach English in Taiwan. I got two new students, brothers named Harry and Potter. People, they're children, not pets. FML
今天,在台湾教书的时候。来了两个新学生，哥哥和弟弟分别叫做哈里和波特。爷呀，这是孩子，不是宠物。（不带这么玩的）
Today, I took my iPod to Walmart to replace the battery. They tell me to call Apple. I go home again and call Apple. They tell me to call Walmart. I call Walmart. They tell me to bring it in. FML
今天，我带着我的IPOD去沃尔玛换电池。他们让我去苹果公司。我回家后打电话给苹果公司。他们又让我沃尔玛，然后我打给沃尔玛。他们叫我带着IPOD过去。（米国公司也有互相丢责任嘛）
Today, l was crouched on the ground in the doorway at a haunted mansion. It's part of my job here to scare the people passing by. A 12 year old girl walked by, I grabbed her leg, and she kicked me in the face. FML
今天我在鬼屋的走道旁边蹲着。我的工作就是恐吓路过这的人。一个12岁的小萝莉走过来的时候，我抓住她的腿，然后她朝我脸上踢了一脚。
Today, I got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding. When he saw I had something in my pocket, he began to ask if it was a weapon. After arguing for a few minutes I was put in handcuffs. I was too embarrassed to pull the tampon out my pocket. FML
今天我因为超速被巡警命令靠边停下。他看到我的口袋上有东西并我是不是武器。在争论一会儿后我被他拷起来了。我非常怨念的拿出了我口袋中的卫生经（是么？）。
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