English-Jokes(英语笑话)

   English Jokes(英语笑话)
      I forgot to shake the bottle 
        Mother: Why are you jumping up and down?
  Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle.
  妈妈：你为什么不停地跳上跳下的？
  汤姆：我刚吃完药，可我忘了先摇动瓶子了。
Get the kid.'
　A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is in their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when somethin
g has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,'Get the kid.'
这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话，千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。”
他到底想借什么？
        Are you using you mower this afternoon?
        Mr. Johnson: Are you using you mower this afternoon?
  Mr.Smith: Yes.
  Mr.Johnson: Fine. Then can I borrow your tennis racket, since you won't be needing it?
  约翰逊先生：今天下午你准备用割草机吗？
  史密斯先生：是的。
  约翰逊先生：太好了。既然您不用网球拍，那我可以借用一下吗？
所有的烟卷都会点着的
All the cigarettes will be on fire sooner or later.
Mary was so disgusted at her husband's cigarette smoking that she complained to him one day.
  'I hope that all the cigarette factories will catch fire someday.'
  'Don't worry, dear. All the cigarettes will be on fire sooner or later.' He said with a smile.
  玛丽非常讨厌丈夫吸烟，一天对他抱怨说：“我希望有一天所有卷烟厂都失火。”
  “不用担心，亲爱的，所有的烟卷迟早都会点着的。”他笑着说。
A fine weapon to kill time
"Do you sing and play much?" a young man asked the pretty girl who was carelessly thrumming the keys of the piano.
"Only to kill time." she replied.
"You've got a fine weapon, I must admit." Venturedonly girl (in the world)大胆提出 the young man.
向主保密
I don't want Him to know I'm here.'
  A distinguished clergyman and the elders from his congregation attended an out-of-town meeting that did not finish until rather late. They decided to have something to eat before goint home, but unfortunately the only spot open was a seedy bar-and-grill with a questionable reputation.